FBI SEIZES OVER 3,000 PENISES DURING RAID AT MORGUE EMPLOYEE’S HOME

FBI agents made an astonishing discovery this morning while executing a search warrant at the residence of a Houston mortician: 3,178 embalmed human penises.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation suspected 54-year old Dave Murray, an employee of the Harris County Morgue, of being implicated in an organ trafficking network.

Investigating several reports of missing organs and body parts, dozens of agents raided his residence this morning, hoping to find evidence of his involvement in the crimes.

What they found on the site was a lot more disturbing than what they expected, as the FBI spokesman Andy Ramirez described the scene in an interview with WNTV-4.

“There were shelves everywhere, filled with hundreds of glass jars. Each of them contained a penis floating in formalin.” 

According to Agent Ramirez, the accused rapidly confessed everything as soon as he was arrested.

“He explained in great detail how he had been cutting off dead men’s genital organs and collecting them for more than ten years.” 

It took the FBI more than seven hours to gather all the organs and other pieces of evidence that were found on the site.

MORGUE EMPLOYEE CREMATED BY MISTAKE WHILE TAKING A NAP

Beaumont, Texas | An employee of the Jefferson County morgue died this morning after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers.

According to the Beaumont Police Department, 48-year old Henri Paul Johnson decided to take a nap on a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight.

While he was sleeping, another employee mistook him for the corpse of a 52-year-old car accident victim and carried him to the crematory.

Before anyone could notice the mistake, he had already been exposed to temperatures ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and reduced to ashes.

Jenna Davis, one of Henri Johnson’s coworkers, says she heard him scream for about 15 seconds after the crematory was activated.

“At first, we didn’t understand where the sound was coming from. When we realised what was happening, it was too late. We shut down the heating system, but he was already dead.”

Ms. Davis claims that the young coworker who caused the accident was a new employee and had forgotten to check for the toe tag to make sure he had the right body.

The police have opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances surrounding Mr. Johnson’s death.

Investigators have not ruled out the possibility of filing criminal charges against the employee who caused his death.

The young man could possibly be accused of criminal negligence causing death.

COUPLE HOSPITALIZED AFTER MAN GETS HIS HEAD STUCK IN HIS WIFE’S VAGINA

A couple was transported to the hospital in a very awkward position last night after a man somehow got his head stuck in his wife’s vagina during a strange sexual game.

Tom and Janis Morrison, a young couple from the small town of Greensboro in Alabama, called 911 around 10:00 pm last night to ask for an ambulance.

Samantha Irving, the operator who took the call, says she thought it as a joke when he explained the situation.

“The woman told me that her husband had fallen and that his head was now stuck in her vaginal cavity. I really thought that it was a group of teenagers making a prank call.”

Despite Ms. Irving’s doubts, she sent an ambulance on the site and the paramedics rapidly realized that the situation was in fact very serious.

Bill Austin, one of the paramedics who transported the couple, claims they were lying naked on their bed and partially covered in blood.

“The woman kept screaming out in pain whenever the guy moved, but he had half of his face buried in there and he looked like he was going through Hell!” 

The couple was transported to the nearby Hale County Hospital, where doctors were able to separate the couple.

Ms. Morrison suffered from severe internal bleeding but is now stable, while her husband has suffered only a few scratches and bruises.

According to doctors, both could also suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome

BOSTON: MEMBERS OF MIDGET CRIME GANG SUSPECTED OF 55 BREAK-INS

Boston, MA | Three members of the so-called Irish mob midgets, a Boston-based criminal organization composed of people of short stature, have been arrested this morning reports the Boston Chronicle.

Security camera footage show the three suspects during a home break-in in which the intruders entered the house through the pet door.

Authorities also believe the crime organization could be behind 55 other similar break-ins in the region. Although the Irish mob midgets officially describe themselves as a “non-profit motorcycle enthusiast group for small people of the Boston area”, several high-profile members of the organization have been arrested in the past years on charges of drug-trafficking, arson, and aggravated assault.

BREAKING: Trump Demands Schiff Be Investigated For Treason

President Donald Trump is fighting back against Rep. Adam Schiff in the way he likes to. By going on the offense against him.

President Trump tweeted on Sunday that he wants to see the head of the House Intelligence Committee investigated for treason.

“Like every American, I deserve to meet my accuser, especially when this accuser, the so-called ‘Whistleblower,’ represented a perfect conversation with a foreign leader in a totally inaccurate and fraudulent way. Then Schiff made up what I actually said by lying to Congress,” he said.

“His lies were made in perhaps the most blatant and sinister manner ever seen in the great Chamber. He wrote down and read terrible things, then said it was from the mouth of the President of the United States. I want Schiff questioned at the highest level for Fraud & Treason.

“In addition, I want to meet not only my accuser, who presented SECOND & THIRD HAND INFORMATION, but also the person who illegally gave this information, which was largely incorrect, to the “Whistleblower.” Was this person SPYING on the U.S. President? Big Consequences!” he said.

This came on the same day that Rep. Schiff demanded that President Trump allow Congress to read the transcripts of the calls between him and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Congress is determined to get access to U.S. President Donald Trump’s calls with Russian President Vladimir Putin and other world leaders, the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee said on Sunday, citing concerns the Republican leader may have jeopardized national security.

“I think the paramount need here is to protect the national security of the United States and see whether in the conversations with other world leaders and in particular with Putin that the president was also undermining our security in a way that he thought would personally benefit his campaign,” Democrat Adam Schiff said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”

Following a whistleblower complaint that Trump solicited a political favor from Ukraine’s president that could help him get re-elected, the lawmakers are investigating concerns Trump’s actions jeopardized national security and the integrity of U.S. elections.

MORGUE WORKER ARRESTED AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO A DEAD MAN’S BABY

Kansas City, MO | A 26-year-old morgue worker was arrested this morning after a DNA test revealed that her newborn child was the result of a necrophiliac intercourse with a man she was supposed to autopsy.

Jennifer Burrows, an assistant pathologist with the Jackson County medical examiner services, is accused of having sex with dozens of corpses over the course of the last two years, a behavior which led the birth of a baby boy on January 7.

According to the Kansas City Missouri Police Department, her baby is the son of a man who died in a car accident in March 2017, and whose body she was supposed to autopsy. They allege that Ms. Burrows sexually abused more than 60 other dead bodies, belonging to males aged from 17 to 71 years of age.

“We opened an investigation into this case in October after we were informed that the suspect may have been sexually abusing corpses,” Police Chief Forté told reporters. “We accumulated enough evidence over the last few months to obtain a warrant for a paternity test on her newborn son. It confirmed our suspicions, that the father of her child was, indeed, a 57-year old veterinarian from Texas who was driving through the county when he had a fatal car accident. All the evidence that we have gathered suggests that he had never met Ms. Burrows before his demise and that he was already dead when the baby was conceived.

There are currently no laws (state or federal) governing or explicitly outlawing the practice of necrophilia since the corpse is considered human remains and no longer living. Therefore, it is technically legal in the state of Missouri, and Ms. Burrows’ actions are judged as an indecent treatment of a corpse.

She is facing a total of 158 charges, including indecent treatment of a corpse, disorderly conduct, indecent exposure and possession of illegal drugs.

The psychologists and experts that we interviewed were divided in their interpretation of Ms. Burrows’ case.

Some, like Professor Isabella Ramirez of the University of Missouri, believe that the young woman was suffering from a psychosis and had, at least partially, lost any notion of reality.

Others, like Dr. Gerald Porter, a well-known psychologist and expert in sexual disorders associated with the Institute of Psychological Sciences, believe that the accused is clearly a compulsive necrophiliac and that her choice of profession was inspired by her sexual deviation in the first place.

All seem to agree, however, that the 26-year-old woman was suffering from mental problems and that she will probably register a plea of insanity.

COLORADO: HUNTER CLAIMS HE WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY A SASQUATCH

Darrel Whitaker from Glenwood Springs in Colorado claims a sasquatch attacked him and attempted to rape him while he was walking in the woods.

The 57-year-old man was walking to his hunting cabin on Sunday to see if it had suffered any damage during the winter.

All of a sudden, a large “gorilla-like” creature dropped from a tree in front of him and punched him in the face.

“It was at least 8-foot tall and its punches hurt like hell! I was knocked right out at the first blow!”

While Mr. Whitaker was trying to recover from the attack, the large humanoid creature began to tear his clothes while letting out some terrifying howls.

“When I regained consciousness, he had already torn my pants and was tearing through my underwear. I stabbed him in the shoulder with my hunting knife, and that made him run away.”

Mr. Whitaker immediately reported the attack to both the Glenwood Springs Police Department (GSPD) and the Colorado Parks and Wildlife agency and a joint investigation has been launched.

Ocasio Cortez Has Embarrassing Tantrum After Being Humiliated By Her Own Democrats

“I think it’s rich that we talk about how we care about the poor, but all the while we’ll sign on to bills that dramatically increase the cost of a family to get into a home,” he said.

“I don’t think we should not focus on the rich, wealthy elites who will look at this and go, ‘I love it, because I’ve got big money in the bank; everyone should do this. We should all sign onto it,’” he said.

“It’s kind of like saying, ‘I’ll sign on to the Green New Deal, but I’ll take a private jet from D.C. to California,’” Duffy said.

“A private jet! Or ‘I’ll take my Uber SUV, I won’t take the train. Or I’ll go to Davos, and I’ll fly my private jet.’ The hypocrisy!” he said.

That was when wacko Democrat Rep. Maxine Waters asked Ocasio-Cortez if she wanted to respond to the statements.

“I am very encouraged by the sudden concern on the other side of the aisle about climate change, and it makes me feel as though our efforts have been effective,” the 29-year-old said sarcastically.

“At the very least in distancing between the dangerous strategy of climate denial, which we know is costing us lives — at least 3,000 in Puerto Rico in Hurricane Maria,” she said.

“You want to tell people that their concern and their desire for clean air and clean water is elitist? Tell that to the kids in the South Bronx which are suffering from the highest rates of childhood asthma in the country,” Ocasio-Cortez said.

“Tell that to the families in Flint whose kids have — their blood is ascending in lead levels. Their brains are damaged for the rest of their lives,” she said.

“Call them elitist. You’re telling them that those kids are trying to get on a plane to Davos? People are dying. They are dying,” she said.

“And the response across the other side of the aisle is to introduce an amendment five minutes before a hearing in a markup?” the New York representative said.

“This is serious. This should not be a partisan issue. This is about our constituents and all of our lives,” she said.

“Iowa, Nebraska, broad swaths of the Midwest are drowning right now. Underwater. Farms, towns that will never be recovered and never come back,” she said.

““If we tell the American public that we are more willing to invest and bail out big banks than we are willing to invest in our farmers and our urban families, then I don’t know what we’re here doing. I don’t know what we’re here doing,” she said.

She forgot to mention that the world is going to end in around a decade.

Thanks to our good friends at The Federalist Papers for permission to republish this material.

Virginia Officials Will Not Recognize “2nd Amendment Sanctuary Cities” And Will Take Action Despite Sheriffs And Militias Vowing To Fight Back

Chris “Badger” Thomas RIGHT WING TRIBUNEOPINION

VIRGINIA- There’s a lot of chatter about what’s happening in Virginia, both in terms of the incoming legislators as well as what’s happening at the ground level.  We’ve also seen very little chatter about it in the media.

As of the time of this report, more than 100 Virginia cities and counties have declared themselves gun sanctuaries as Democrats in the state prepare to take legislature attacking the Second Amendment, Law Enforcement Today reports.

Trending: BREAKING: Virginia Governor Declares State Of Emergency And Law Enforcement Is On High Alert

Virginia Attorney General Mark Herring issued an advisory opinion meant to be a reminder to residents residents that such “sanctuary” resolutions had no standing.

“It is my opinion that these resolutions have no legal effect,” Herring said.

His comments were made in a letter issued Friday.

“It is my further opinion that localities and local constitutional officers cannot nullify state laws and must comply with gun violence prevention measures that the General Assembly may enact.”

A sense of urgency has washed over Virginia gun rights activists as Gov. Ralph Northam promises to pass “common sense gun safety legislation” with the help of the new Democratic majority in the legislature that was elected on Nov. 5.

Northam has proposed several bills that have been killed in previous years by a GOP-held General Assembly. Now, with Democrats in the majority, he’ll likely succeed in passing these eight bills:

  • Requiring background checks on all gun sales and transactions: The bill would mandate anyone who sells, rents, trades or transfers a firearm must do a background check on the receiver of the gun before the sale or transfer is complete. As it stands, gun shops and federally licensed dealers selling at gun shows must perform such checks, but sales that take between two citizens — at a gun show or elsewhere — are exempt.
  • Banning “dangerous” weapons and accessoriesThat includes what gun control advocates call assault weapons, along with high-capacity magazines, bump stocks and silencers, like the one used in the Virginia Beach mass shooting. Northam hasn’t defined what “dangerous” or “assault” weapons he wants to ban.
  • Limiting handgun sales to one a month: A similar law was on the books from 1993 to 2012. Buying more than one handgun in 30 days would come with up to a 12-month jail sentence and a maximum fine of $2,500. Those wanting to buy more than one in a month would have to apply for it through the State Police and undergo an enhanced background check.
  • Requiring lost or stolen firearms to be reported to police within 24 hours: The punishment for not reporting, according to Sen. Jennifer McClellan’s bill, would be up to a $250 fine.
  • Allowing Extreme Risk Protection Orders (“red flag” law): The bill would allow law enforcement and the courts to temporarily take someone’s firearms if they are deemed a threat to themselves or others. Several states have passed varying versions of red flag laws.
  • Barring people under final protective orders from having guns: Right now, the law only says people who are under final protective orders of family abuse cannot have firearms.
  • Making it illegal to ”recklessly” leave loaded, unsecured firearms around children under 18: The bill would raise the age from 14 to 18 and raise the punishment from a Class 3 misdemeanor, which comes with a $500 maximum fine, to a Class 6 felony, which comes with a punishment of 1-5 years in jail and a maxim $2,500 fine, for adults who “recklessly” allow kids to be around loaded, unsecured guns in such a way that might endanger the child’s life.
  • Letting localities regulate whether guns are allowed in government buildings: Virginia has a law that says cities and counties can’t make their own rules when it comes to allowing guns in government buildings. One Republican lawmaker filed a bill this year that would allow localities to ban firearms if they had security provisions in place, such as security guards or metal detectors. Del. Cia Price, D-Newport News, filed a bill that says localities may regulate guns.

If the state deems that it should enact martial law because sheriff’s, whose only “crime” is standing up for the Constitution, here is what it looks like.

The state Constitution would be suspended. So would habeas corpus and civil rights.

There would be no freedom of the press, assembly or speech.

Curfews would be enforced on the people.

Troops would be in the streets for enforcement.

Checkpoints would be set up for control.

The Guard would have the ability to hold a person without charge.

Imprisonment without representation or due process.

Seeing that we are talking about gun control, there would be warrantless, house to house confiscation of firearms, ammunition, food supplies.

I have to wonder if this is really what Democratic leaders in Virginia want. Because what it equates to is a tyrannical government using its military as ‘enforcers.’

And that is exactly what the 2nd Amendment was created to protect against.

If the Virginia legislators want to push this issue, it could get ugly.

And oh, by the way, plan on seeing the vast majority of the Virginia National Guard become Conscientious Objectors. It will be really hard for them to arrest cops and confiscate guns when none of them will carry the necessary arms to enforce said arrests and confiscations.

Virginia was once a deeply red state and one of the most pro-gun states in the country, and overnight is now a blue state and on the verge of becoming the most anti-gun state in the country.